i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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