it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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