I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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