why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
