i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
