I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
