saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
