I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
