I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
