but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
