Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
