dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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