Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
