girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
