Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
