maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
