so explain again why im purple
no
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
