U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
