Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
