I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
