He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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