About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
