The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
