all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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