Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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