I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
