ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Houston, we have a blender
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
