He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
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