Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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