Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
from now on my penis is your penis
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
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They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
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For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I want to be your penis for a week.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.