he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.