We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
cat food counts as protein by the way
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
