The maid of honor just puked.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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