I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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