she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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