He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
