whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
