do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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