Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
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I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
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Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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