You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just pee around me
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
