What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
