I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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