I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Who died my cat blue again?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
