just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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