You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
