I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
