Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
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He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
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Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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