.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
