Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
