im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
