i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
