you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
