if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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