Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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