i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
