I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
