Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
