i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
