I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
