Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
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You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
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That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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