so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
