my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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