there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
