This is not my ceiling
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
