You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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