I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
