I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.