this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
organizing the empties. That sober.
where are you?
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.