i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Dating After Heartbreak
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high