yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."