Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...

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(416): View more from Toronto

I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(585): View more from New York

its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me

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(616): View more from Michigan

You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up

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(562): View more from California

Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."

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