Texts From Last Night

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  (649): View more from Turks & Caicos

  So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it

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  (649): So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it http://tfl.nu/3uw7
  Replies (4) Good night (874) Bad night (1304)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer

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  (267): My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer http://tfl.nu/qmj6
  Replies (102) Good night (1413) Bad night (3827)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.

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  (479): How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her. http://tfl.nu/z3i9
  Replies (141) Good night (924) Bad night (2884)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases

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  (702): if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases http://tfl.nu/a7z7
  Replies (13) Good night (765) Bad night (2906)
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  (762): View more from Georgia

  Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.

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  (762): Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please. http://tfl.nu/mnuz
  Replies (52) Good night (5414) Bad night (713)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.

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  (973): Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever. http://tfl.nu/k2hn
  Replies (90) Good night (1826) Bad night (24681)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.

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  (847): Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins. http://tfl.nu/vi8m
  Replies (5) Good night (4356) Bad night (1157)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.

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  (865): Now go wash the fat girl off your hands. http://tfl.nu/sym9
  Replies (17) Good night (1171) Bad night (4351)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.

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  (402): 2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America. http://tfl.nu/5vl1
  Replies (4) Good night (1664) Bad night (667)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  He was the only guy who ever made me cry..

  (1-330): View more from Ohio

  Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?

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  (330): He was the only guy who ever made me cry.. (1-330): Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach? http://tfl.nu/1khh
  Replies (2) Good night (2345) Bad night (651)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection

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  (248): You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection http://tfl.nu/50lp
  Replies (7) Good night (1405) Bad night (587)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  How's my date look?

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Like a retarded elf

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  In a good way

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  (443): How's my date look? (814): Like a retarded elf (814): In a good way http://tfl.nu/jjcc
  Replies (6) Good night (789) Bad night (771)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.

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  (734): You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them. http://tfl.nu/p5zk
  Replies (1) Good night (444) Bad night (626)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.

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  (647): The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud. http://tfl.nu/bog9
  Replies (2) Good night (521) Bad night (322)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die

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  (585): My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die http://tfl.nu/girq
  Replies (2) Good night (509) Bad night (362)

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