why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
