i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
