So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
