I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Watching her eat just hurts me
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Pooping to opera.
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