i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
North Korea, Best Korea!
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
