Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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