It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
