Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
