...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
