Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
