Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize