dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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