the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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